Cynical.

I can feel myself becoming a cynical old man. For some people that might be seen as the natural course of events. However, this has never been my nature. I am and have always been a “The glass is half full, DAMMIT!” kind of person :)

Walking Down The Dark Tunnel of Cynicism

But a pattern I can’t ignore over the last few years is that the long languorous trips down the intellectual rabbit holes that represented everything to me in my younger life are starting to feel less like they used to. It’s not that I don’t still absolutely revel in the act of exploring, whether in the form of excitedly learning everything I can about a new topic or diving head-first into some shiny new technology, because I do. It’s that these days the conclusions I draw when I come up for air are just as likely to paint a picture of foreboding and concern for the future as they are one awash in the boundless optimism that characterized most of my life. And to a certain extent, how can that not be the case? I don’t need to tick off the looming uncertainties of our time, but the world is in, shall we say a very challenging place right now. We are on the brink of a potentially tectonic economic change as we adapt to the post pandemic economy and at the very same time advances in technologies like machine learning (AI if you speak marketing) are experiencing such rapid progress as to be unlike anything I’ve seen in my lifetime. Layer in the most hyper-polarized ultra-partisan political situation this country has seen in its entire history where nobody is a “good guy” and the best you can possibly hope for is to try and elect people who you THINK will vote your way on the critical issues, and what you wind up with is a zeitgeist that could chill one to the bone and lead one down the ultimate dead end of depression. But why? What’s the point of that? Ultimately, everything we can control is a choice. Sure, there’s a whole lot right now we have zero control over, but what does anyone gain focusing on that and dwelling on pointlessly self indulgent fixations with how awful the world is? Instead, I choose pragmatic hope. I realize adding a qualifier in there feels like I’m diluting my own point, but I think it’s an important enough distinction to make. I’m not going to fix American politics. I’m not going to cure COVID-19 or save my friends from losing their job. But what CAN I do? How CAN I help make the world a better place, fill my mind with positive things and turn my energies towards moving the needle rather than pointlessly sacrificing them to an uncaring abyss of negativity? I am very lucky in that I have some very concrete answers to this question. This is my personal formula and declaration of intent. Your mileage will absolutely vary.

Turning Myself Around

We are emotional creatures. As much as we’d like to think that we are governed by our highly ordered sense of logic and reason, we aren’t. We charge around being driven by our hormones and subconscious desires WAY more than we’d like to admit. So I want to start with a feeling. That feeling is gratitude. I have made it through the worst pandemic in modern times as have my friends and family. At a time when there is unprecedented economic hardship in the world, I was lucky enough after my high octane BigCorp job exploded in a shower of sparks to land in a place that is as much a calling and a cause as it is a job. And last but most assuredly not least I have the most amazing wife a man could ask for. I am thankful for all of these things, but most especially for her, every single day.

Towards The Light of a Better Day

I have a plan! It’s pretty simple really. There is no rocket science here. It’s a simple matter of focusing my attention and energy. What CAN I do? What can I learn that will help me move the needle faster and further? It’s also about being merciless about cutting things out that aren’t contributing to that bottom line. This can be very hard to do. There are all kinds of cues, internal and external, that drive us to consume things that we might find entertaining or even edifying in some respects, but that don’t contribute to our plan for a healthier and more positive outlook that is the “bottom line” of this entire endeavor. I’m not going to list mine here, but I can tell you I’ll be reading a LOT less politics and news and a lot more for inspiration in all its forms. Feeding your creativity is one of those “drive the flywheel” kinds of processes that pays dividends in ways that might not be immediately obvious. Our minds are not compartmentalized machines, so reading a really compelling science fiction novel may well lead you down a line of thinking that helps you at work. And you may never even be aware of it! Writing can also help. You’re not just sitting back passively consuming, you’re actually creating something! It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare. Understanding that at a very deep level is liberating! I will not waste the remainder of my life on pointless negativity. This is a declaration more for myself than for anyone else, but perhaps reading this you may realize you feel the same about some things and these words may help. Or perhaps not! I’m helping myself merely by writing this down! Life is short folks. Let’s do our best to enjoy it and do something positive, as much for ourselves as anything!